Sunday, December 19, 2010

Israel, schmisrael. BevMo is the Holyland.

Lose the thousands of years of conflict. Chuck the shitty Gefilltefisch and Motza. Add a butt-load of insanely cheap beer, wine and spirits while tossing your ancient texts written in Hebrew and Aramaic but keeping the Jews and you are getting close to BevMo in Beverly Hills.

Take off those Keds, Moshe. You're on Holy ground, you silly kosher bastard.

Enter BevMo, the discount liquor store of California (or America if it exists outside of the state. Don't know and don't care). When God rested on the seventh day I'm pretty sure when he dragged his infinitely old ass out of bed on the eighth that he thought creating BevMo was top of his list after a making coffee and taking a dump.

It obviously wasn't enough for Americans to merely have access to endless supplies of beer and wine at the local corner market. It obviously wasn't enough to put a Liquor store in every neighbourhood where when sweet talked the owner would sell you Cuban cigars and possibly a handgun with the grip already wrapped in tape. It obviously wasn't enough that all that hooch would be sold to them at incredibly low prices hence, the neccessity for BevMo. When Uncle Sam sat and pondered what else this country needed on top of massive block stores he came to the conclusion that his populace needed to get their shit all fucked up for half the price.

In Canadian terms: BevMo is to booze as Costco is to Ramen Noodles.

$20 wine? Yeah, $12. $16 Micro-brewed beer from Portland? How 'bout $7? The scotch I'm drinking right now (Balvenie Double Wood) costs $74.95 at any BCLS. It cost me $33.95. Suck it Trebek. Suck it long and suck it hard.

I'll let the link speak for itself: Bev me, BevMo!

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